Boundaries of the forest, boundaries of our site, boundaries as a group and boundaries as individuals. At first glance these all seem like completely different and unrelated things, but when we look a bit deeper we can see that when any of these boundaries are crossed, the same sorts of things happen: people are no longer safe; anxiety rises; sometimes tempers rise and things can start to break down. So…boundaries help us to feel safe.
Children who come to the forest, often talk about how they can do what they want to do and how free they feel. But we’ve been thinking more and more about how freedom without clear boundaries actually doesn’t feel that great and that is never truer than in play. Healthy play is based on healthy boundaries.
We have observed over and over again what makes play work and what leads to it breaking down and it is always the same. When all the individuals involved are able to recognise and respect each others boundaries the play is maintained. When one person crosses another’s personal boundaries, they feel unsafe and this leads to conflict. When everyone involved can communicate and recognise this, the conflict can be resolved and the play can go on, if not, it breaks down.
So what looks like ‘just play’ and ‘kids messing around’ actually relies on some fairly sophisticated processes! Each child needs to know their own boundaries and be able to communicate them assertively. Usually its our feelings that let us know when our boundaries are being crossed, we might feel anxious, unsafe, angry, left out. Each child also needs to be able to pick up on when they are crossing others’ boundaries and listen when this is communicated. In most ongoing group play, there are instances when boundaries are crossed, so then the problem solving and conflict resolution skills come into play in order for the game to be resumed.
For many types of play, especially of the rough and tumble sort, pushing these boundaries to their limit is part of the game. Rough and tumble can then play a big role for children in developing these skills, being able to recognise and communicate boundaries so that they can push things to the limit and pull it back again without things spilling over is a really vital skill in play, in sports and in every day life.
So how do we support children to develop these skills?
STOP is the magic word!
We encourage all children to communicate assertively when they are not comfortable with what is happening, so when someone says STOP, everything stops. ‘We knew they didn’t mean it really’ is no excuse for ignoring this one!
Once everything has paused, boundaries can be communicated, and, if they really didn’t mean it, all can be resumed.
Knowing that you can stop the play at any point, is a vital part of feeling safe enough to join in. This also supports children in learning about consent through play.
Adult to child play
When a child cannot manage to keep play going with other children, these skills can be supported through one to one play with an adult. The adult can prompt the child to check in with their own boundaries ‘how are you feeling?’ ‘Are you enjoying this game’, as well as clearly communicating their own. This can provide a stepping stone to playing with one or two other children before joining in with a group.
We use this a lot when it comes to stick fighting! Once children can manage this successfully with an adult, then they are ready to try it out with other children.
Commentary and curiosity
By staying close to the play, our team are able to prompt communication and bring their own curiosity to play (pun intended!). It is not unusual to hear phrases such as ‘is this game fun for everyone?’ ‘Does this still feel like play for you or not?’, ‘I wonder how x is feeling about this just now’, ‘remember you can say STOP if you are not happy’. Sometimes our team might feel more like sportscasters as they support a game ‘I can see that James is throwing leaves in the air and they are going in Jenny’s face, now Jenny is throwing some leaves, I can see you are all smiling which makes me think you are all enjoying this game’.
So… it all goes to show it is never JUST play!
Comments are closed